im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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