I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
