just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
