There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
