this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
