party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Randomize
