i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
