I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
