Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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