I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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