Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
