I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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