I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
