Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
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I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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