i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
