You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
