hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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