I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
