Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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