Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
