Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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