I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
