I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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