is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
