it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
