giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
