She just used a chaser for red wine.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
