I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
