so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
