first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
