shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
try to milk me bitch
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
