i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
