they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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