I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
