i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
