Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize