You're my little dorito
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
too bad you live with your parents still
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
