Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
