How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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