I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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