I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
