If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
