I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
