I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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