Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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