My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize