is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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