Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I faked an abortion last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
