I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
