Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
