He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
