Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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