I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
