All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
