I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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