Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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