i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
