Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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