I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
