I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
