Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
