she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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