She said her name was "party"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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