Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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