i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
