oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
do herpes really smell.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
