Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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