Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
