All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
