I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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