I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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